The [Fill in the Blank] Defence of Bell – Astral

After listening into the start of the CRTC hearing on the proposed Bell – Astral Media merger, it all seems strangely familiar…

We thank the [CRTC/government] for its support of our industry. We think the industry has a bright future, providing more consumer choice and creating more great Canadian content. We are investing unprecedented amounts in our [content/creators/local affiliates/networks]. However, in order to achieve our goals, we need [to become bigger/more flexible content requirements/tougher enforcement/freedom to manage our networks].

There has been an enormous amount of inaccurate rhetoric from [our competitors/consumer groups/pirates/independent ISPs]. We want to set the record straight as we consider [media convergence/broadcast regulation/Canadian content rules/copyright reform/net neutrality/usage based billing]. We want to be a global leader, but face a major threat. The [competitive/technological] landscape has changed and the danger of [Netflix/over-the-top video competitors/foreign broadcasters/peer-to-peer file sharing/BitTorrent/bandwidth hogs] is an [unfair/dangerous/costly] development that allows [foreign/unregulated/illegal] competition to harm legitimate, Canadian players. We have spent [millions/billions] on [content/creators/local affiliates/networks], but must have a level, fair playing field with a reasonable chance of return for our shareholders. Other countries have [larger competitors/more creator support/tougher enforcement/greater market freedom] that allow for stronger competitors.

Given the negative, inaccurate public commentary, we would like to use this hearing to announce the [launch a new broadcast network/online competitor/investment in Canadian content/support for local stations/promise not to sue consumers/network investment]. 

This [transaction/regulatory proposal/legislative reform] represents a made-in-Canada solution to a challenging issue that will benefit Canadian [creators/consumers/culture/local communities/economy]. We want to continue to invest in Canadian [creators/delivery channels/local affiliates/networks] and urge the [CRTC/government] to swiftly approve this [merger/regulatory reform/legislation].

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  1. netflix
    Prof, you should do one for their buisness plan. Buyout leads to bell entering new industry. Bell sinks tons of money on special offers to choke dry competitors, then ups the price the instant they have no more competition.

  2. Yes, Bell is very concerned with [creators/consumers/Canadian-culture/fairness/warm-milk&cookies] while our [portfolio/stocks/CEO-benefits] are only a minor side issue. Our [competitors/critics/detractors/minions-of-the-netherworld] are completely [incorrect/jealous/weenies] in regards to our superior [networks/holdings/plans-for-world-domination].

    Thank-you [piss-off]

  3. Am I reading this wrong, or did Bell just come out and state that UBB is needed because they don’t want to compete with a global market. This sounds very protectionist.

  4. Un-Trusted Computing says:

    Made my morning
    I love your assessment of Bell’s typical defense strategy. Not only was it dead on, but also hilarious.


  5. David Shinebeck-Lowenstein says:

    This is a distraction! If Bell buys Astral, LIFE WILL GO ON! Why aren’t the usual sycophants complaining about Entertainment One buying Alliance? I’ll tell you why – because the media isn’t telling the sheep to do so!

  6. says:
    in order to complete their clothing collection using most recent operating trend.

  7. Round 2 coming up?
    Well that fill in the blank defence went bottoms up!